You never think much of it until it happens to you; nothing has more fit that description than lung cancer has done for me. Yet even in the year since I finished my fourth chemotherapy infusion – I can still hear, feel, and even taste every moment of those sessions – there’s been more “cancer” than ever.

A Year of Remission

Not only does today mark the one-year anniversary of my final infusion of cisplatin and pemetrexed, the harshest, most aggressive combination for my type of lung cancer, but it’s also the one-year anniversary of my oncologist confirming I am in remission.

Great news, right? Cause for celebration? The chemotherapy side effects are so brutal, it wasn’t a very celebratory day knowing what I’d face over the next 7-10 days as I recovered from that day’s treatment. Nevertheless, knowing the lung cancer was at bay was certainly a relief of sorts.

Little did I know the next year would be equally challenging in its own way, with four times the cancer looming in my psyche.

Cancer Never Goes Away

First and foremost, once one has had cancer, it never goes away, not even in remission for months. The targeted therapy treatment, side effects from the medication I will be on for years, continuing pain from thoracic surgery, shortness of breath – all of that is a constant reminder that I have lung cancer.

That’s one.

And it doesn’t go away, no matter what the day-to-day may be. Every six months for two years I need to get chest CTs to check for any return, and every three months I’m getting blood tests to check for recurrence of cancer DNA. So far, all is negative and remission remains.

More Cancers

Once you’ve had one type of cancer, you never look at screening guidelines the same again. While there are no current guidelines that would have ever recommended a regular lung cancer screening for me – a non-smoker, non-chemical-worker, no family history, and only 48 when I was diagnosed – other screenings now loom much larger and scarier than just recommendations.

Up first? The dermatologist for a skin cancer screening. This is the least invasive cancer screening, but I do have a skin cancer diagnosis in my family (an aunt). While I’ve never been one for tanning, I have had some bad sunburns in my life and I detest wearing sunscreen. Not a wise behavior, but there you have it. Fortunately, the detailed body overlook was very negative. A bit of scaly scar tissue is confirmed as normal, as are random birthmarks, moles, and a rather annoying “leak” cyst on a toe.

That’s two.

Next is one for the girls. While I am a certified member of the itty bitty club, breasts of any size can develop cancer, and those annual mammograms are a good screening to catch any concerns early. I have relatively dense breast tissue, so the proper squeezing, flattening, and positioning is essential for good views and clear imaging.

Turn this way, get closer, up a little more, let’s reposition, hold still, breathe, don’t breathe, twist left, closer still, just a little tighter… If you know, you know. And that’s just one side.

Fortunately, another clear scan, another worry tamped down for another year.

That’s three.

The fourth cancer screening was the most invasive, but also a long-lived screening and an absolutely necessary one – my first colonoscopy. And on Halloween, no less. How’s that for trick-or-treat?

If you’ve had this screening, you know how miserable the pre-screening preparation can be with that foul solution you have to chug. I had to do so twice, with the two-day prep (which offers better cleansing and a more thorough screening), not to mention a week’s worth of restrictive diet to ensure the best possible examination.

It wasn’t pleasant, but the procedure was fine – a very professional team and comfortable situation for what is naturally an uncomfortable activity. The most interesting bit was when I woke up for minute mid-screening and was even lucid enough to ask a question about what I was seeing on the monitor. Then it was back to the nap!

With two polyps removed, it took about two weeks to get the screening results back. Fortunately, it was worth the wait and all is clear, no signs of cancer, and I’ve got the gold standard result not to need another probe for a decade.

That’s four.

The Anxiety Never Ends

Having had one type of cancer, the fear and anxiety about other types is magnified. Every screening is another chance to get the news you never expected and never wanted to hear, when your life can change in an instant and you can never go back.

Even the good news isn’t as good as you’d hoped, because you know cancer is lurking and can always return. While I remain in remission today and I’m ever so grateful for that, and I will never skip or postpone a screening, it’s a bittersweet celebration. Getting each of those negative results just feels like a stay, a delay until one day you get that news again.

But, in the meantime, it is still a good outcome for four different cancer screenings in the past six months, and while my next test will be in January, I can, for the time being, relax just a bit, breathe just a bit, and live just a little bit more.

Hopefully, that will still mean some birding in the weeks to come. I’ve missed that.